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Membership status: Member
Bio:
Generally lazy guy. I'm probably taking a nap and catching some Z's.
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Jacks To Open, by Kyell Published on 23/06/06, updated on 23/06/06 A red wolf finds more than he expected in a small Las Vegas casino. Comments welcome at http://kyellgold.livejournal.com! |
Genres: Erotica, Gay |
Date: 12/05/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Well, I had to skip over the sexy bits, since homosexuality's not my preference, so I can't really comment on those parts. However.
I was extremely curious about this story since I saw it in the Ursa Major Award winners, and I have to say, I can completely understand how this won in its catagory. It's extremely, extremely good. The plot, while being somewhat open ended, still retains a good flow across all eleven thousand words. The characters are easy to sympathise with and well presented, and in general this story is just extremely well crafted.
The concept behind the cards and their potentially prophetic nature is brilliant, and fits very well with the gambling motif. I also very much liked how you used odour as a serious part of how Sean experienced the world, it worked out very well.
On the whole, I'm sure you've gotten tons of praise for this, but I just thought I should add a little to the heap.
:P
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Blue Fox, Red Vixen, by Blue_Fox Published on 26/02/07, updated on 26/02/07
When a weapon of war, not fit to live in this world, is hunted down by is creators, can it find sanctum in the care of a fellow creature, or will it only bring disaster to those around it? |
Genres: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Romance |
Date: 03/05/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
There might, in fact, be an interesting story here. Unfortunately you really need to work on your craft, in terms of laying words onto the page.
You might want to investigate the possibilities of:
Writing exclusively in the past tense.
Not mixing numbers and letters. (' To make things simple, I was running for almost 4 hours straight, hiding from them and their hounds. ' Try 'four' instead of '4')
Reading up on the differences between two/too/to.
For reference I reccomend the Elements of style : http://www.bartleby.com/141/ : which is ninety years old now, but most of the things in there are still extremely valid.
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Petroglyph, by firefox_b Published on 02/05/07, updated on 02/05/07 Long sleeping ursine spirits of the earth are awakened by some disrepectful guests... |
Genres: Fantasy |
Date: 04/05/07 Title: Chapter 1: Petroglyph
I adore the concept. Adore. The presentation is somewhat matter of fact, 'this happened then this happened', which kind of adds to the piece and detracts from it.
I'd love seeing what this might look like if you rewrote it to try and capture a little more of the disbelief and horror at what's going on, there.
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Published on 15/06/07, updated on 15/06/07 Set in the current VixenFire timeline, Shion and Aseska spend a day in the idyllic region called Dheanna's Splendor. |
Genres: Adventure, Gay, Romance |
Date: 17/06/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I do have a lot of trouble connecting to your characters in this. Whether that's more a reflection on me as a reader than anything else, though, can't really say. You clearly seem to know them well, but, it's kind of difficult to pick up their depth. Maybe the work's just too short to give a reliable impression of them.
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Weakness of a Demon, by Everace Published on 31/08/07, updated on 31/08/07 A demon huntress is framed for the murder of a respected official, and quickly loses everything she holds dear. Unable to continue her life in the civilized world, will she instead find peace in the arms of a demon she was once sworn to hunt? Read to find out what happens when she and several others are forced to come to terms with the true weakness of a demon. |
Genres: Drama, Fantasy, Romance |
Date: 31/08/07 Title: Chapter 3: Flickering Light
The plot's interesting. You managed to hint (in the first chapter) at the betrayal (in the second) without giving enough away to spoil it, which is a tricky bit of foreshadowing to pull off, so well done there. On the whole I approve, though there's a lot of room for improvement in terms of craft and other 'presentation' type matters.
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The Man Comes Around, by Mad Pierrot Published on 27/10/07, updated on 27/10/07 A guerilla unit during the American Civil War has a deadly dispute with their commanding officer, only to find out that he is the one holding all the blood-soaked cards. |
Genres: Drama, History, Horror |
Date: 04/11/07 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Uhm. I can tell you why I would've rejected it for a con-book. Essentially, this piece is very high on atmosphere, very low on actual content to get the teeth into.
It's not that it's bad - not at all - it's that it isn't very meaningful without a lot of context behind it.
The descriptions of the characters, early on, is basically wasted space. Your audience barely has time to learn their names, let alone what they look like.
The speeches made, based on history and backstory we don't have time to appreciate.
Also, there's relatively little to make this uniquely 'Furry'. If you go through this and switch the species et al for humans, you're not really taking away or adding anything.
So I mean, the story and all you have in mind is potentially very good, but the presentation here is just not something appropriate for something requiring short, potentially out of context fiction.
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Published on 24/01/08, updated on 24/01/08 On the festive day of Eid Fitri, a canine child and his father go to the mosque. |
Genres: Drama |
Date: 30/04/08 Title: Chapter 1: Eid Fitri
I absolutely adore the usage of 'furriness' for this type of work. Short, but poignant. I like it.
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Published on 04/02/08, updated on 22/03/08 A prequel to/continuation of/re - write of the NaNoWriMo project of last year: will be updated semi - frequently. |
Genres: Adventure |
Date: 14/03/08 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue -- Edited version.
Firstly:
Write more! Finish one of these things! You will have no idea how good it feels when you do!
Secondly:
Given that the second chapter is, like. An edit of the first (?) You might want to replace it with that, or somethin'.
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'm already working on a lot of scenes to post up, I just haven't got round to it because of college work and the like.
As for the chapters, that would be a good idea - it would make more sense, hopefully =:)
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Sara & Dorothy Cases: Poles & Strippers Case #0102, by RunningCat Published on 09/03/08, updated on 09/03/08 While Sara and dorothy are moving into their new home they get a visitor that gives Sara a lead on a case she's been researching. What she finds is a sight that would turn your stomach. |
Genres: Comedy, Drama, Horror, Mystery |
Date: 14/03/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
I have to admit I couldn't finish reading this.
What I did manage to get through seems to show a bit of a promising plot, but my preference for past tense rather than present made it difficult for me to read. Working on the craft side of things - how you phrase certain things - would probably be very profitable for you. I'd reccomend reading some Steinbeck or something, get more of a view on how various other writers tackle the tricky business of how to say what's being said.
You can have a really great story, but if it's not very pretty to read, it doesn't come across nearly as well!
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Published on 13/03/08, updated on 13/03/08 A young man spends his night at a club, thinking about a lost love, until he meets a woman he will not forget for the rest of his life. |
Genres: Mystery |
Date: 14/03/08 Title: Chapter 1: Music
*Scratches head.*
It is curious.
I might play around with the line spacing for readability - since there's no line indent, double-spaced paragraphs might be an idea. Uhm.
The prose gets a little purple in places.
It's good for what it is, which is... very short fiction. On the whole I find more to approve of than not!
Author's Response:
Heh, thank you. I should probably mess around with the line spacing and such; I was lazy and just copied this straight from the txt file.
But what exactly do you mean with "The prose gets a little purple?" I'm not a native speaker, and I have not heard that phrase before.
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Susan's Ark: Where the Heart Is, by Poetigress Published on 23/05/08, updated on 23/05/08 Any household with eight kids would be unusual, but Susan's charges are more unusual than most: transgenic children whose animal genes have manifested in a way the reproductive scientists never imagined. Abandoned, neglected, or outright rejected by their parents and their society, the cubs find a home at the Ark. For those who may need a memory jog as they read, I've created a character list with all the names, species, ages, etc. at http://www.furaffinity.net/view/748130
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Genres: Drama |
Date: 23/05/08 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Wow! First to have the honour to read this on FurRag, but I did go back and glance over your FA to note you got some happy feedback over there. (And, I must admit, I concur with most of it.)
So let me be a jerk and now ennumerate what I did not like!
The science behind the story is... problematic. From a hard SF standpoint there are some difficulties pinning things together, particularly the apparently accidental nature of furs emerging in the story. However, I doubt the average reader is going to care, and I - who do care about this stuff - do not view it as being enough of an issue to get in the way of the telling or the enjoyment of the story.
The scene with the wolves did not, somehow, feel right. It felt very... 'Oooh, Wolves! ^-^' which is, I suppose, very popular with the majority of the fandom. I can't say I'm a big fan of it.
Also, the story doesn't really have a plot, per se. It's very much more... slice of life, episodic, in feel. There isn't really much by way of an arc of development, more or less everything seems to be just... things that happen, without tying into each other at all towards the end. This doesn't really detract from the fun of reading it, but it is rather curious from a... event driven as opposed to character driven story style thing. In some ways this is almost like a short set of scenes that, in themselves, are kind of like little episodes.
Anyway. I did like the story very much! The issues being dealt with - weird rejection, oppression, etcetera, are something I enjoy writing about with furry characters too! I think there is something about the whole 'this person is different' thing that is, kind of, a hallmark of 'furry' fiction. Your take on it is very different from mine, and I find the concept of genetically improved children gone awry shockingly compelling in some ways.
It's kind of a manifestation of the pressure parents put on all cihldren to succeed, and is a kind of poetic look at how putting kids under that kind of pressure breaks them... in this case, kind of literally.
So yes. It's not a story without its flaws. But it is quite fun to read, and that - really - is the important thing.
Author's Response:
It's true that the science isn't really there, but this is meant to be soft/sociological sf, not hard sf (I can't write hard sf to save my life -- I'm far more interested in how technology or science affects people than in making sure every aspect of the technology is perfectly sound). In the end, I was going for a Jurassic Park feel -- something that feels believable enough to set up the story, even though it really isn't possible if you start to pick it apart.
As far as the plot goes, this is meant to be the first story in a series, so the arc of character development, in particular, is going to be longer than just what would encompass this story's events. My plan is to focus each story mostly on one or two of the cubs. (And yes, if there'd been a "slice-of-life" category here on FurRag, I would have listed it that way.)
Glad you liked it, at any rate. This has been one of my favorite recent stories to write, particularly in terms of character, and once I get a few other projects out of the way, I'm looking forward to coming back to these guys for the next story. >^_^< Thanks for the comments.
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Published on 20/06/08, updated on 20/06/08 test |
Genres: None |
Date: 20/06/08 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Bravissimo! A masterpiece of the genre. I salute you.
Author's Response:
Do you *want* the Age Consent issue fixed, or don't you? :)
Let a man work in peace!